End of chapter two
On tuesday three months have passed of my internship, and it's time to write the summary of chapter two before moving on to new paragraphs of joy, challenges and self-reflection.
War. What would be a better way to start, than the most obvious one, the war between GOSL and LTTE. In the beginning I was trying to deny it. In reality, I was just afraid. Hearing fire crackers (that they use to scare away the stray dogs) or even thunder made me quite paranoid. Discussing with Katty, who's from Croatia, helped a lot. Thanks for that. Little by little I started accepting it. Then I needed to find a way to explain myself why I was accepting something that unacceptable. Now I'm not scared anymore. I feel disgusted and even a bit sorry for the both parties, adolescent minds who are unable to put aside their egos to come to an agreement. I don't believe that it will happen any time soon, or that anything would change, but there is still hope as the parties are currently meeting in Geneva for the peace talks. It would be ideal that at the end of chapter three, there would be more than seize fire agreement (because agreements and promises bear little value in this country). I hope, we hope, the country hopes... but the war goes on.
Routine. Quite soon after I started working, the life normalized and routine developed. Simultaneously, a certain degree of frustration and home-sickness crawled into existence. Reading the stupid Suomi-seura magazine from cover to cover was a clear sign that I miss home. Small things like being able to discuss in your own language, being able to sit in the public transportation and to breathe fresh air suddenly gained surprising importance. I found salmiakki and Finnish music to be the best cure. Then it happened; I lost my phone. As material and vain as it might sound, that was a turning point for me. I realized how insecure, alone and sad I feel when I'm not being able to stay in touch with my friends and family (including you Paula) whenever I want. I don't know if I had developed a certain degree of addiction to the phone itself, or whether I was just used to seeking security from familiar trustworthy people. I still don't have everyone's number, so if you haven't been in touch with me lately, I'd like you to drop me an SMS signed with your name, so I can contact you when I feel like it. Please, you are important to me! To conclude this paragraph on a bit of patriotic note: Motorola is shit! I was playing thrifty as I purchased the new phone. Now I'm planning to buy Nokia as soon as I manage to drag my ass to a cell phone store. At least I know how to use it, I don't have to seek all the functions behind millions of menus and I don't have to listen those unbearable Motorola sounds.
Search for balance. It all started out really well. I was picking up new hobbies, losing weight immensely, quitting smoking, cutting down drinking, going to meditation and reading a lot. Then something happened and little by little I was drawn back to my old unhealthy habits. That something was rain, a continous pouring of cats and dogs for over a month (and I still don't know if it's over). I know it might sound like an excuse, and it might be that to some extent, but I really felt that if you are slipping a bit from your daily discipline the whole universe conspires to make sure you fall. (Quote from The Alchemist: "when you really want something to happen the whole universe conspires to make your wishes come true.") And it wasn't just the rain. E.g. when I had no phone I just went to the field where we usually play on Sundays at 4:30. No one came, and I just sat there alone for half an hour, sipping water and being unable to call anyone. Next day I rushed my way to my usual monday evening meditation session, and it was canceled. There! Universe was playing tricks on me, testing me, and showing me that I'm still this fragile fun-loving guy who has earthly desires and poor self-discipline.
Rain. I already mentioned this, but I think it deserves its own chapter. Like the dirtyness of Colombo struck me initially (after seeing those Lonely Planet pictures portraying Sri Lanka as green lush vegetation and pearl-white beaches), so did the rain. I knew there was monsoon rains showering the country a couple of times a year, but that it would continue so long! And even the locals didn't know it can take that long, they just said you cannot predict the weather anymore because of the global climate change. Today it didn't rain, and I hope it stays that way. It can really wear you down and have an effect on your general happiness. I just read from the newspaper that 13 people have been killed because of the rain and 225 00 left homeless! Yes, two hundred twenty five thousand people! That's not anymore "a little autumn rain". But then again, every coin has their flip-side, right? At least in our hoods the city is finally planning to asphalt the road and fix the drains. They have some stupid rule that there has to be a certain number of houses on the road that they are willing to invest in asphalt, so now they are coming up with imaginary houses to fill the bureaucracy gap. Yeah, I know. It's weird.
"New" and new people. In the beginning people were generally a bit sad because so many trainees were leaving our cozy community. It defnitely had an effect on the atmosphere, people were concentrating mainly on work and not spending time with each other. The last straw was getting internet to the house next door, as AIESEC office moved in. People, including me, spent more time away from "the community space". Then we heard the good news: Dasha is coming back! She is a Lithuanian trainee who left when I arrived and later decided to come back. She is the mother of all trainees and a genuine mood lifter. So, when she did come back, somehow everyone started feeling a bit better, relaxed and again more interested in each other's company. The climax was last Friday, all our trainees and a couple of other friends were sitting around the same table for dinner (for the first time!). That was really nice. Now we actually have Oana visiting us, who was also a trainee here previously. Then we have a Czech couple - Jakub and Sharka - who just arrived a few weeks ago. Although they are not staying with us in ROME (our house) and they are going to spend a lot of time in Kithulgala (middle of nowhere), they are still a lovely addition to our bunch. Finally, we have Teresa, who is not really a trainee but we have adopted her. She's Mandy's friend who was supposed to be here only for a couple of weeks but who ended up staying. Now she's been here already a couple of months. Nice! :) More traineeships have been raised so we might welcome some newies soon. The more the merrier.
Being different. I told you how annoyed I am with the locals who practice (positive) racism: treating you over-friendly or superior, or just genuinely shouting at you on the streets. It's still a bit annoying but I just had to accept that I'm different, the country has its colonial history and these buggers "know" that you are getting paid better than they are (although that's not always the case). I don't really know how to handle those situations (no one told that in the preparation phase of the work abroad experience). So far I've mainly used either a) ignoring or b) answering semi-politely. Sometimes it still gets to me and I might snap something, at least non-verbally.
Traveling and lack there of. I haven't been able to do as much traveling as I would have liked. I've only been to Belihuloya (for work) Sigiriya, Unawatuna, Negombo, Kithulgala (twice), and Mirissa. Belihuloya - fantastic brain-rest after the noisy diesel-fumed Colombo. Sigiriya - absolutely fascinating place with extremely cool views and super-annoying locals who are well aware of the fact that you're a tourist. Unawatuna - the party place out of Colombo, with a beach that has those goddamn sea-urgins. Negombo - avoid! Kithulgala - a beautifully remote spot just next to the Kalaniya River where some parts of The Bridge Over River Kwai was filmed - on the second time the river was too muddy to swim in though. Mirissa - the best beach so far! In Mirissa you can seemingly get sun-burnt even without seeing the sun. That gave an end to my seek for tan. This list will be considerably enlarged during the next couple of months as I first welcome Pike here for a short visit and later spend three lovely weeks with Paula.
Contribution to Unleash Talent INC. This chapter is getting the end that it deserves. Out of all experiences, the work has - surprisingly - been the most rewarding. I'll tell you about a few highlights soon, but first I need to thank every single individual from Erica to Paula to Dan to Suchith to Ruki to other trainees and local AIESECers for making this possible! This has been absolutely fantastic already now and it just gets better. I could have never imagined I would be as passionately driven by any company than I was by AIESEC. Now I am. Let me reveal you a bit more in the light of some examples. My first "Yes, I'm ready for the real world!" feeling came as I stood up against the public opinion at one our client's offices and told them they need to change their thinking drastically if they want to become great. And they did! And the CEO backed me up 100% Later on we were able to make another top management group convinced of their current flaws and they didn't resist at all. They were not defensive. They wanted our help. That was so cool! We are delivering positive impact with whomever we work with. That's an amazing feeling! Second aspect to the greatness of Unleash Talent INC is that we are all the time experimenting and doing something new. Although I have a nice and motivating incentive plan with clear deliverables, I can still allow myself to build on the ideas that pop up. No, I'm encouraged to do so! One of the coolest moments so far was when we sat down with Ruki and locked ourselves in a room to set our desired destiny, i.e. purpose (mission), dream (vision) and values. We also carved out our four year strategy, and it sounds really promising. Remember when I mentioned before that I want to have my own team. Well, now we have started taking steps to bring more people in. Remember when I was blabbering that one day I want to be putting up a global enterprise? Well, here is a chance to go global with or without Feelovation. By 2010 we should have presence in three continents. It's all just too good to be true. If something should happen and I couldn't hold on to Unleash Talent INC, at least I'd know that every month, every week, every day and pretty much every moment was a moment of joy, a moment of enthusiasm, a moment of doing something meaningful. I hope this feeling continues to be there as we move towards new heights.
The Book. Finally, one of my personal long-term aspirations is becoming reality. When I was sixteen I started a hobby of writing (mainly short stories and poems), and I had a dream of publishing a book one day. The dream has persisted and now it's about to be fulfilled. Ruki and me decided to write a book about strategy and leadership, in a non-conventional and fun way. I'm so excited about it! We are collecting the contents little by little and the first draft version should be ready to publish some time in 2007. I am living in the environment of possibilities. I feel empowered. I feel I've come to the right place.
Who would stop the insanity?
A father of a Sri Lankan Army soldier: 'This is not our war. This war has been created by the political leaders. During the off-season for fishing, we used to go to the north or the east for fishing. We were close like brothers with Tamil fishermen in those days.' His son [a soldier himself] nodded approvingly.
Yep, I'm quite fed up with the whole war issue. Before the attack in Galle (the south, where the best beaches are), people were quite indifferent about the war that was waged "up there". You know, people I'm dealing with are from decent conditions and they don't have to enroll to army for their livelihood. It's the poor that get killed. It's quite sad, isn't it? Every single country, family and individual at the face of the earth is forced to play the game with the rules set by others. Either you make enough money to get a life that you want (even a life of modest simplicity) or you suffer and die prematurely.
The war is waged for wrong reasons, propaganda is flourishing on both camps and young (poor) people get killed for someone else's benefit. "Peace talks" in Geneva start in a week (28 October), and these buggers keep attacking and slaying each other to get negotiation power!
Now, if the GOSL and LTTE are too ego-centric, greedy or just plain stupid to put an end to this war, it's the people that have to stand up for the well being of their country. I just don't see that happening any time soon, as the city folks are too complacent rice-eating buggers and the rural people are leading their lives below poverty line.
Ready for the weekend...
Ahoy!
Today "the monkey was let out of the cage" in Sri Lankan Airlines Service Conference. They outsourced the fun part to us. :) So, we just basically fooled around every now and then, pitching in a couple of energizers and ice-breakers and topping that with an hour-long team activity. Oh joy! Well, it's easy money for the company and a good lunch for me! It took place in Mt. Lavinia Hotel, so there was like 30 different starters, 10 main courses, 40 side dishes, and 20 desserts. Yummy! It was so good to eat sushi, beef steak, cheese gratine and all those excellent dishes, topped with Sacher cake in the end. Slurp!
Tomorrow I'm working just a few hours and then I head for the long-awaited meditation retreat in Kithulgala. I have no idea what to expect from that. This week it's been raining every evening so cannot expect much from the weather's side at least. The other concern is how I can concentrate on meditation when I'm still addicted to nicotine. I hope that by Sunday I'm a bit more mature in that sense, too. Anywho, I'm not stressing much. It's a beautiful place (the same where we were rafting, pics already available) and I don't mind concentrating on just myself for the whole weekend, amidst al this hulabaloo at work.
Speaking about work, I'm quite impatient when we get our long-term plans fixed and more people onboard to Unleash Talent INC. Then we can live up to the company's fullest potential. It's amazing how much influence one can have on some other person's business. We'll see what comes out of that in the long run, but so far I do think it's a great company.
Btw, I bought a new phone (oldest and cheapest possible Motorola model) and revived my number. So you can use the same old number +94775359809, starting tomorrow. And please do sign your SMS, cos now I don't have anyone's number!!!
Silly war...
The war between LTTE and Sri Lankan Army (SLA) is becoming more and more absurd. The most recent attack was a full-scale air strike by the Sri Lankan Air Forces (SLAF). They dropped 48 bombs to LTTE controlled area. Reportedly, "at least 10 cows were killed and a large area of arable land was damaged in the aerial bombardment."
Those of you who have played some computer games, or went to the army, you know that air strikes are the last resort. You know it's ridiculously expensive so you better hit only the most strategic enemy targets. Of course, I can't know if these 10 cows were working in LTTE counter-intelligence, but still snipers would have been less expensive option. As for the "large area of arable land", it might be a justified target if rephrased "the food supply of LTTE cadres".
Meanwhile, someone is making a lot of money with this practical joke.
Recognition from Uni
Shite! I just got an email from some kid in the student union of Lappeenranta University of Technology. In all their wisdom, they had decided to grant me a bronze honorary medal for my achievements in the student union and club activities.
Now, let me get this straigtht:
1) I've never been a part of a club!
Pretty much only thing that in someone's limited mind could be interpreted as a club is AIESEC Saimaa Ry. If someone claims that AIESEC is a student club... go screw yourself! It's a branch of a global youth-driven organization with over 1 000 000 alumni and 20 000 new members every year in 95+ countries. I mean, PLEASE!!! Don't call that a student club! That title goes to the once who want to do horseback-riding, trekking or ballroom dancing. Nice hobbies, I won't deny. But a student club? Please!
2) I was against the public opinion in the student union
The wankers all around me (except Antti, thanks for that!) were so patriotic and old-fashioned that this could hardly be a merit for me. I mean, if you could still go and take a look at the old issues of Aalef that I published: they're full of propaganda that was not supposed to be there (according to some). There were adds for the concentious objectors, critique about the polls taking place and articles about "how to put up your own gay club at the uni". Some of the people just could not handle these and they were trying to fire me. Pity that there was this little thing called Finnish law (and the article about freedom of speech) protecting me, so THE MAN couldn't over-run what I wanted to utter.
3) What the fuck is this bronze all about?
This one I actually have to give for them: They do have relevant basis for granting the medals. Just imagine how it feels when you get a message saying: "You were granted a bronze medal for your laadi-daadi-daaa..." (It's like: you were almost good, but we decided to degenerate you to the level that's not worthy of a full-scale recognition).
Right, this last point is basically just BS:ing with 'em. Just let me have my final laugh.
Thanks anyways, LTKY you made my one-man-war worth the effort!
Something up my nose...
You guys know how there's a certain kind of tunnel between your nose and your mouth? Well, I think that just about now some kind of creepy-crawlly-flying-thing went up my nose and is lookin' its way out of that tunnel. It's not a nice feeling.
Nor it is a nice feeling if you overhear people talking shit about you behind your back. I did... again. So, it was not anything new. I know I shouldn't take these things personally. It happens to all of us... I hope! (Or only to sad wankers like me).
In any case - for some wicked reason - I took this 0ne personally. And I started imagining... how would it be, if I'd just completely change my behavior... and outlook? How would people react, and what would they think, if I shaved my head and started confining my spare time to meditation and all those more grand purposes that we - the young - are not supposed to have when we're "living it to the fullest"?
I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I'm on a good way. But at the moment I find myself being - again - that confused little guy, who just got something up his nostril (literally and metaphorically).
If, before, you had an image that this guy has gone far abroad and is completely re-structuring himself to be a better combination of carbon-monoxide (or whatever it is that we're all made of), you might be right... or you might be terribly wrong! At this very moment, I find myself being bare-naked at the face of the court of life, that judges you - not based on your merits or your efficiency - but based on your every-day actions. In that "rat race" I find myself to be - not the catch, not the mouse - but the cheese. The one that is destined to lose, every single time.
Yeah, maybe I'll just distance myself from all this. Maybe I take one-month off from the work (that is currently occupying my mind with a lot of useless, but inspiring, stuff). Maybe I do get my head shaved. Maybe I do let go of mind-altering products like beer and cigarettes. Maybe I do get that insect out of my nostril.
This is my time for experimentation. And I'm damn glad I did it. It's just so brutally hard that I wouldn't like anyone else to experience it. Simultaneously, I'd like every one of us take the same chance. Paranoid? Maybe. Paradox? Definitely.
Take your chance.
The umbilical cord...
Once upon a time I was part of a non-profit organization that was dying to get new members... or else! We were supposed to run a structured induction process for these people who would come pouring in. Well, we turned on the recruitment tap and what happened? Nothing! There was just a small dribble of interested people who wanted to know more about our tiny but energetic organization. One of them, later, became one of my few best friends.
My first memory of Pike is at the corridor of our university. She was just minding her own business next to our bulletin board and I rushed in to ask whether she's coming to our cottage weekend. She said yes. That was an important yes. After that yes we've experienced so much together. She became the local committee president after me in this particular organization, then we became team mates and flat mates and now she's in her traineeship in India - "wasting her time" every day.
Let's slow down and look at each of these steps one by one:
First dip in the pool of shit
Excuse my harsh way of expression, but that's what leadership sometimes is, at its very best! It can be a series of huge disappointments, personal level arguments, heated discussions, nights of lost sleep, immense stress and all that. Of couse she knew this but didn't really think of it before she heard the words "The new local committee president is... Pirjo Rinnepelto!". Poor girl just thought of applying to some team and handling her part. Now her part became to be the leader. She broke into tears.
After initial shock, she started the active learning period. It's admirable how she treated the new position: she wanted to know everything, she wanted to be the best, she wanted to succeed!
Then I left her alone for a few weeks and escaped to Italy and Estonia, but it wasn't sure if I would be coming back any time soon. I took those drastic measures because I wanted to prove my point that she needs to step into the leader's shoes. She still hates me for that! :)
But there she was, trying to lead the most diverse team of different individuals. And she did pretty damn well! Of course it was intense, of course there was a lot of tension and of course it wasn't easy, but she managed to elevate the organization to the next level. Exactly what needed to happen!
Before long, it was time for her to go to a real leadership conference abroad. I knew she would be super-motivated when coming back, and I instilled a thought on her: How about you and me applying to the national leadership team together, to even more challenging post. She didn't really have time to respond before she went for the conference, so the poor girl had to play with the idea for the whole week or more she was there. How nice of me. She still hates me for that. :)
Becoming who she really is
Although it was her plan to continue studies after the long year in the leadership of AIESEC Saimaa, somehow she ended up submiting her application, gaining immense confidence along the process and smiling her way through to the national leadership body. Luckily, I had an honour to join her (and three others). I wasn't so sure of my own chances to get selected, but I was damn sure for her!
There we were, packing the van full of stuff and heading to Helsinki on 1st of May 2005. Once we started getting our knowledge transition, the last team said that the umbilical cord between Tomi and Pike has to be cut. We tried and didn't seek that much comfort from each other's advice, but I think part of the cord still remains.
Our next 13 months were hard core leadership development during the day and charging the batteries in Kantsu in the evening. The year was full of fun, proximity, deep thoughts, dirty dishes, too much beer, too many nights waking up from Mirje's floor after the night in Hevimesta, good discussions in Krouvi, screams and slaps at the office, relaxing cigarette breaks but most importantly: even strengthening friendship!
Hyd
Now we are both having our internships: me in Sri Lanka, she in India. For what I've heard she has pretty much settled her future vision. She is going to be a major help for many people and the whole planet. Of course, with a little help from other people. Cos' she's definitely a people person, not a technology person that the university tried to make out of her. If she can combine those two aspects, she will go far. And at the moment she's practicing something like that. The best thing is that she's coming to visit me in a few weeks! I've been already working a bit extra so I can take a few days off and catch up with her. It's good to have people in your life who just make your heart sing of joy and when you know you're going to meet them you are counting days to be there with them.
Pike, welcome to Sri Lanka!
Letting loose
For quite a while I was feeling that this blog should not exist, that I'm not able to keep it going, that no one cares what I write here, or that I cannot write interestingly enough. It's funny how dependent you can grow to blog posting... or it's not dependence, it's something else. Love and hate relationship I would say.
Anywho, I somehow decided to check from laskuri.net how many hits my blog has got so far. To my positive surprise I saw a number of 2239! So, to quote Michael Monroe: "Just because you're paranoid, don't mean nobody's watching".
Still, that was not the point why I started this blog. Yes, I wanted to keep folks back in Finland updated of what's happening with my life in this land of elephants, tea and chicken parts. Yes, I wanted it to be a point for linking all the pics from here. But no, this was not the main purpose. Instead, I was supposed to be able to use this as a means for personal reflection. And for such a long time I've struggled with the aforementioned non-problems: how to make the postings structured, how to make them interesting enough, how to please the reader...
So, from this moment on I just concentrate on getting my thoughts down as they are. They are - first and foremost - for me! It will be cool to read them in 10, 20 or 30 years time. I hope to continue occasionally with "the letter method", sometimes I just drop "quick updates", sometimes I just let it flow (like now) and sometimes I borrow Erica's way (like I did with Matti). Actually I just might drop you a not of one special person quite soon. Till that, check the pics in October 2006 folder in Yahoo.
Lost my phone...
Hey, I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm alive but not answering any text messages any time soon. I lost my phone: maybe someone took it, maybe I just left it in Belihul Oya. The bottom line: I don't have a phone now.
Lately I've engaged in some action sports like white water rafting, a high rope course and paintball. I only have pics of the paintball, though. I'll upload some photos from the last weekend as soon as possible but meanwhile, why don't you check Sietse's photos. He's a Dutch trainee who managed to make a decent picture diary of his stay in here. Cool lad indeed. Above is one of the pictures he took. Guess who's behind the bucket! :)
