Something up my nose...
You guys know how there's a certain kind of tunnel between your nose and your mouth? Well, I think that just about now some kind of creepy-crawlly-flying-thing went up my nose and is lookin' its way out of that tunnel. It's not a nice feeling.Nor it is a nice feeling if you overhear people talking shit about you behind your back. I did... again. So, it was not anything new. I know I shouldn't take these things personally. It happens to all of us... I hope! (Or only to sad wankers like me).
In any case - for some wicked reason - I took this 0ne personally. And I started imagining... how would it be, if I'd just completely change my behavior... and outlook? How would people react, and what would they think, if I shaved my head and started confining my spare time to meditation and all those more grand purposes that we - the young - are not supposed to have when we're "living it to the fullest"?
I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I'm on a good way. But at the moment I find myself being - again - that confused little guy, who just got something up his nostril (literally and metaphorically).
If, before, you had an image that this guy has gone far abroad and is completely re-structuring himself to be a better combination of carbon-monoxide (or whatever it is that we're all made of), you might be right... or you might be terribly wrong! At this very moment, I find myself being bare-naked at the face of the court of life, that judges you - not based on your merits or your efficiency - but based on your every-day actions. In that "rat race" I find myself to be - not the catch, not the mouse - but the cheese. The one that is destined to lose, every single time.
Yeah, maybe I'll just distance myself from all this. Maybe I take one-month off from the work (that is currently occupying my mind with a lot of useless, but inspiring, stuff). Maybe I do get my head shaved. Maybe I do let go of mind-altering products like beer and cigarettes. Maybe I do get that insect out of my nostril.
This is my time for experimentation. And I'm damn glad I did it. It's just so brutally hard that I wouldn't like anyone else to experience it. Simultaneously, I'd like every one of us take the same chance. Paranoid? Maybe. Paradox? Definitely.
Take your chance.
posted by Tomi Astikainen @ Wednesday, October 11, 2006
1 Comments:
There are not many people who can make something profound out of a fly up their nose. But you, my friend, certainly managed. :-)
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