Another 21 days...
You might think that this posting is just pathetic blabbering and self-pity, but please read till the end. There is a point.
I told you before how I finally managed to quit smoking with this highly sophisticated mental model of seeing “not smoking” in a positive light and seeing “smoking” only as a hindrance on my way to physical, mental and spiritual balance. And all I was supposed to do is “nothing”. I believed that if I can pull this off for 21 days, I will be free of the addiction, both physical and mental ones. Well, I didn’t. I failed!I fell into one of the traps that I had identified before: I told myself that “I can always smoke one, since I don’t smoke anymore”. So I knew that was coming, but I still couldn’t resist it. As if smoking one fag was like a reward for not smoking for so long.
In the beginning I didn’t want to make noise about this issue, because I thought what people might think if I happened to fail. Then people started asking have my drinking and smoking habits changed. I didn’t want to lie, so I blurted out that I have quit. Then I felt real bad when I realized I’m habitually smoking one ciggy a day. I thought I’m slipping back to my old habits. And I was. On Saturday I was in a party and just couldn’t care less about being a non-smoker. I just bummed from everyone. This was the end of the first try.
But now I realized that even in this case, failing is a beautiful thing. I can learn so much of myself, just because of a stupid failure. I realized it’s not enough to write down your goals and means to get there, but instead you need to be constantly reminded about them. I realized my patience and self-discipline are still not on the level it needs to be in order to achieve what I want in my life. It needs to be practiced. I realized I’m still not able to handle one of the biggest paradoxes in myself: balancing the long-term thinking with the value of enjoying the moment. I realized if you need to buy bread from the closest store that happens to be 20 kilometers away, it’s not enough to walk 15 kilometers in the right direction, turn back and think you did a good job by almost getting there. You’d still have no bread.
The "point" I mentioned in the beginning was in the paragraph above. Just a few more things before sayonara:
- One evening we were going for a dinner with Ralph and Rasmus. It was already dark as we strolled down the familiar road that leads to the main street in Kirulapone. Then suddenly we heard a child moaning just behind us. We looked, but there was no one there. We walked a few steps and the sound came again. Only thing we could see was a cat. "It cannot be." we thought, but yes, it was a cat that sounded like a human kid. Creepy!
- Last weekend we saw a cow standing on the side of the road and then reaching towards its groin - in a distinctly dog-like manner - and yes, it started licking its own tits. Gosh!
- Last but not least, in the Kithulgala Rafter's Retreat we came across with a flock of three tame horses. They were quite small, like ponies, and each of them were wearing a bell so you could here where they are going. I thought they are really cute and as one of them came towards me I thought of having my picture taken with him. As Ralph was setting up the camera and I was posing next to the horse, the damn' thing bit me in the knee! Ouch!
Lastly, September 2006 folder in Yahoo is again bigger, better and more picturesque.
I'm still waiting someone to ask for the next letter to be showcased. Sorry Annika, I'm saving "A" for later. :) So, ask for a letter, give the reasoning and one example word starting with that letter!
posted by Tomi Astikainen @ Monday, September 25, 2006
7 Comments:
Tke Ö or Ä! I feel guilty of reading long postings during office hours and I feel that it's a shame not to read them just because they are long... So take one of this exotic nordic letters and see how long story you manage to write in english.
You will manage to quit smoking... actually I believe that when you are reading this you are trying again and this time you will do it.
Ok,
A few comments to comments:
a) Matti my man said (in Finnish) that the cows in the eastern part of Finland are also licking their tits. So, maybe that's just normal then. And Pepez, maybe I would lick my titties if I could. But did you know that cows are that stretchy? Maybe they even do yoga...
b) In order to take Ö or Ä, I need to copypaste them from somewhere, so that's not really an effective option. And don't you think I could write a long posting also with those? :)
c) I know I'm able to quit smoking. I just need the final fix of determination to do it. Honestly, I don't know where to find it if not from within. At least today the meditation didn't help. Again I smoked one (thinking it's only "one"). Shit I'm weak...
Tomi, I'm sure this is going to make you feel a whole lot better (not:)), but the best thing would have been to quit when you went to Sri Lanka in the first place. Mostly smoking is a habbit, that you associate to certain social situations and definetly the environment you are in and people you are with. Now if smoking had never been part of any situation or time of day in your life in Sri Lanka, you wouldn't miss it so much.
Damn, you know, I'm even able to spend the whole night in a bar these days, and not even think about having a cigarette! All this because the last smoke I had was at the Helsinki-Vantaa airport, on my way to South Africa.
But, yea, you're already there, so my advice is not much use... Just take it as a sharing of an experience:)
I enjoy your blog, by the way, keep it up:)
Hugs,
Elli
Moi Tomi!
Kiitos kommenteista mun blogiin. Jos ei tupakoinnin lopettaminen onnistu niin luulisin, että Sri Lankassa ainakin viinan naukkailua ei tule tehtyä niin herkästi mitä Suomessa. Ainakin täällä Delhissä asustelu on ollut saasteista huolimatta suorastaan terveellistä keholle.
-Tuure
Hey,
Yeah habits are hard to break but they are breakable. Don't worry, you will get there!
As for the letter, I suggest V!
Hugs,
Erica
Moro!
I really suggested that you will watch really interesting movie called Thank You for Smoking!, so something similar...
And how about Å, it's so rare, that only few people in whole world see it in their screens. Usually it's just a question mark or similar symbol...
Don't listen to Jani...he is biased! He is coaching Åbo :)
Post a Comment
<< Home